so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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