Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Are we still banned from the library?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
