i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
