I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
