I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
