That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
