It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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