I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently you make a good broom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
