I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
