Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I supernannyed him into submission
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
