can u get pink eye on your cock?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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