Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if only i could text you this smell
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
