O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
