i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
