I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
