hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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