This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
