There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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