My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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