We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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