i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
