You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your dad touched me again.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
