saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
