And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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