You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
