My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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