She's JV to your varsity
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
