Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
