sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
