if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
