we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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