I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
