Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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