I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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