the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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