no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
