her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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