i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
