I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
