She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
