everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are all done wearing pants today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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