I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
