She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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