I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
