even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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