Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
