And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
