i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
