I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I did not marry a roomba.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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