Need sex. Gaining weight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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